(view off the dashboard to see accompanying photographs that help this make more sense)
Nearly all of the side effects of marijuana are hilarious and great. However, one side effect, which we can call the Kinetic Disruption (is that what it’s called? Yeah, right, like I’m going to open a new tab for Wikipedia), is amazingly frustrating and worrisome.
Where is the remote control? A question I’ll have to ask myself about three times before I actually decide I’m going to look for it. It’s never where I thought it was. And then I go to search for it and obviously get distracted by everything. It’s a long and tiresome journey. I feel scared. My whole world is falling apart. Nothing is as it seems! I wanted to watch Memento not live it! Somebody call someone!
The worst ending to this scenario is the mindbomb of holding in your hand the thing you’ve been looking for the entire time. You feel like an infant. Simple concepts you were once able to grasp have gone flying out the window. It was in my hand the whole goddamn time? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Who else is here? I demand an answer! (Who are you fictionally yelling at? No idea.)
Another facet of Kinetic Disruption, or just plain ol’ browning out certain things, is waking up later and not being able to find anything. This usually happens with my papers or stash. At some point the paranoia sets in and you’re 100 percent sure Johnny Law is going to invade your apartment. They’ll see the evidence sprawled across a Beatles record on your coffee table and now you’ll never be a politician! So you hide it somewhere. This solves everything. They can’t see it, so it must have never happened. Hahaha, take that 5-0! Nevermind that it reeks to high heaven for half a day.
So you’re looking for your stuff and almost convinced you’ve been robbed. And right when you’re about to declare that maybe you never even owned a pipe to begin with you discover it’s been hidden somewhere ridiculous. Like the microwave.
If you’re lucky you’ll find what you’re looking for but it won’t look the same. I have no recollection of smoking this contraption but hey here it is!
Of course, 6 hours previous this must have been transcendental. Now all it means is that somewhere along the line you got the horse from Gumby and stuck it to your pipe. Where the fuck is Gumby? Huh? And the world falls apart again.
So, calm down. It’s going to be alright. Hey! You just remembered you had an idea for a movie last night and you even wrote it down so your dumb stoner ass didn’t forget it! Now that is comforting. Of course it’s gold! YOU wrote it! Finally, something good has come of this long ordeal.
-AH
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